I had the BP (Business Plan) today.
It's the most stressful, the most pressured class in ITI.
I'm soo glad that I could group up with people from G2.
They're not only excellent, but not afraid of hard working. All of them, seriously! And I think which qualities we don't have it in G1.
I'm somehow like a workaholic and always expect myself in high standard.
I devoted myself into the project with them. I won't say I'm the most hard working one, but I did something too.
I was't doing nothing and then just being as a free rider.
But I know I wasn't prepared enough, otherwise I won't stuttered when I need to say all the digits out.
I'm a very competitive girl, and I don't know if it's good or not.
Somehow it will bring me to challenge myself and take myself to a higher level.
But it also means I'll feel terrible if I made a tiny mistake. I always examine myself with a magnifier.
Other people could do things wrong, but I will blame myself harsh for that.
Anyway, I was nervous and hoping I could do the presentation right.
I was nervous because I was in charge of channel mapping part. I didn't count and write all those figures down.
I was just "lucky" to get a draw to charge that part (yea, that's a sarcasm).
However, I tried to do it right, at least I was thinking how would the teacher ask me.
I tried to prepare questions with answers for everyone in case they get questions that only me know the answer.
When I was on stage, I was a bit nervous, and my brain went almost blank.
I even need to read my cheat sheet to tell the first sentence...lamb
The teacher was getting impatient, then he asked "can't you read the 9 digits number in Chinese at once? I told you all to practice on that!"
I apology that I'm not that sensitive to numbers which I really am!
My brain just can't tell the numbers immediately or even to say the a huge amount of money number (in Chinese).
I could if I do it in English though, I don't even know why..
But then, he said:"why don't you practice then?"
I was a bit shocked and upset. Of course I did practice, who wouldn't?
Our group have three times rehearsals, and I may not be the hard working one. At least I tried to say those numbers and remember them.
Then I broke down.......
The thing even surprised me was I wasn't sure why I cry.
I just feel a bit misunderstood and all the hard work were treated nothing.
(well, of course the teacher didn't know any details anyways)
But I think it takes certain courage to stop the teacher and say: "No, I don't need a 10 mins break. I can keep saying those" (in a sobbing tone,damn it!)
after everyone claps, I apologize for making such a scene like that, then I "tried" to going on.
I did say something, but then the feeling to cry come back to me from time to time.
I tried to sing my happy song, pinch myself, nail my fingers or just hold back my tears, but they just didn't work, I still feel like to crack down from time to time.(sigh)
I made it all anyway without having a break.
Though I feel really sorry that my team needed to help me a lot from time to time cause I was almost melt down.
The worst of all is that the whole process has been recorded!!!NOOOO
I must look terrible, talking shit and being totally amateur,damn it!
Don't even know why I cried like a silly five years old girl, I guess it just brings back all the bad memory of how I learnt math.
I've always struggling with math and all that related stuff.
I tried really hard, seriously! And I tried it again, again and again after I got defeated.
Sometimes I feel hopeless too, but I always think as long as I try, maybe someday I will understand, somehow.
It happens rarely, only like twice or three times through my childhood to the entire adolescence.
You could see how much I hope you (or just anyone) to understand when I say "I'm not that sensitive to math.."
It takes courage for me to admit that in front of a group of people (even I know them)!
But after I said it, it didn't help me to change the situation.
In stead of that, the other one asks: didn't you, or shouldn't you practice with it?
Duuuuggggghhhhhh!!!! Like I was saying I didn't?
It's like I've already suffering from math and the teacher still can't see or don't see any bit of it.
Still yell at me or question me, shouldn't you try to practice it?
I can't stand that kind of question and I feel that's really insensitive and rude.
I don't like to be like that either and not everyone like you can understand or be excellent with it just through practice!
If you think so, then why you still suck in English? Shouldn't you just "practice" to make it great?
Why can't you accept everyone has their strength and weakness?
In stead of understanding, you use it to savertarge me...seriously?
I don't know why I'm trying so hard to challenge myself with it?
Why don't I just go to do something I love and will enjoy? like reading for example!
urgh, it was a totally embarrassing day..really shame on me...damn it!
It's the most stressful, the most pressured class in ITI.
I'm soo glad that I could group up with people from G2.
They're not only excellent, but not afraid of hard working. All of them, seriously! And I think which qualities we don't have it in G1.
I'm somehow like a workaholic and always expect myself in high standard.
I devoted myself into the project with them. I won't say I'm the most hard working one, but I did something too.
I was't doing nothing and then just being as a free rider.
But I know I wasn't prepared enough, otherwise I won't stuttered when I need to say all the digits out.
I'm a very competitive girl, and I don't know if it's good or not.
Somehow it will bring me to challenge myself and take myself to a higher level.
But it also means I'll feel terrible if I made a tiny mistake. I always examine myself with a magnifier.
Other people could do things wrong, but I will blame myself harsh for that.
Anyway, I was nervous and hoping I could do the presentation right.
I was nervous because I was in charge of channel mapping part. I didn't count and write all those figures down.
I was just "lucky" to get a draw to charge that part (yea, that's a sarcasm).
However, I tried to do it right, at least I was thinking how would the teacher ask me.
I tried to prepare questions with answers for everyone in case they get questions that only me know the answer.
When I was on stage, I was a bit nervous, and my brain went almost blank.
I even need to read my cheat sheet to tell the first sentence...lamb
The teacher was getting impatient, then he asked "can't you read the 9 digits number in Chinese at once? I told you all to practice on that!"
I apology that I'm not that sensitive to numbers which I really am!
My brain just can't tell the numbers immediately or even to say the a huge amount of money number (in Chinese).
I could if I do it in English though, I don't even know why..
But then, he said:"why don't you practice then?"
I was a bit shocked and upset. Of course I did practice, who wouldn't?
Our group have three times rehearsals, and I may not be the hard working one. At least I tried to say those numbers and remember them.
Then I broke down.......
The thing even surprised me was I wasn't sure why I cry.
I just feel a bit misunderstood and all the hard work were treated nothing.
(well, of course the teacher didn't know any details anyways)
But I think it takes certain courage to stop the teacher and say: "No, I don't need a 10 mins break. I can keep saying those" (in a sobbing tone,damn it!)
after everyone claps, I apologize for making such a scene like that, then I "tried" to going on.
I did say something, but then the feeling to cry come back to me from time to time.
I tried to sing my happy song, pinch myself, nail my fingers or just hold back my tears, but they just didn't work, I still feel like to crack down from time to time.(sigh)
I made it all anyway without having a break.
Though I feel really sorry that my team needed to help me a lot from time to time cause I was almost melt down.
The worst of all is that the whole process has been recorded!!!NOOOO
I must look terrible, talking shit and being totally amateur,damn it!
Don't even know why I cried like a silly five years old girl, I guess it just brings back all the bad memory of how I learnt math.
I've always struggling with math and all that related stuff.
I tried really hard, seriously! And I tried it again, again and again after I got defeated.
Sometimes I feel hopeless too, but I always think as long as I try, maybe someday I will understand, somehow.
It happens rarely, only like twice or three times through my childhood to the entire adolescence.
You could see how much I hope you (or just anyone) to understand when I say "I'm not that sensitive to math.."
It takes courage for me to admit that in front of a group of people (even I know them)!
But after I said it, it didn't help me to change the situation.
In stead of that, the other one asks: didn't you, or shouldn't you practice with it?
Duuuuggggghhhhhh!!!! Like I was saying I didn't?
It's like I've already suffering from math and the teacher still can't see or don't see any bit of it.
Still yell at me or question me, shouldn't you try to practice it?
I can't stand that kind of question and I feel that's really insensitive and rude.
I don't like to be like that either and not everyone like you can understand or be excellent with it just through practice!
If you think so, then why you still suck in English? Shouldn't you just "practice" to make it great?
Why can't you accept everyone has their strength and weakness?
In stead of understanding, you use it to savertarge me...seriously?
I don't know why I'm trying so hard to challenge myself with it?
Why don't I just go to do something I love and will enjoy? like reading for example!
urgh, it was a totally embarrassing day..really shame on me...damn it!
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